Bye, bye asshole!

Friday 9 October, 2009

Woke up early, showered. As I pulled the flush realized that this will be the last time I will sit on a toilet seat the way normal people do to do the thing normal people do. So what! Got into my surgical gown and awaited going down for surgery. At 9.00 they came to take me in for a colonoscope before surgery. In Thas’s surgery he gave me a jab that knocked me out awhile while he did the scope, then half-drowsy I was wheeled into the surgical waiting room. Mummy and A Rani came with me. I was scheduled for later because they could take their time with me. Finally was wheeled into the theatre… and transferred to the surgical table. Remember it being very cold, and the anaesthetist speaking to me. Then fast into a drug induced sleep…………….

Occasional glimpses of things like peeks through drug-induced clouds – Mummy and A Rani, Dr Thas, A Dhama and U Vaithy, Kanan & Mehala, even think I managed a smattering of conversation with them. Back to sleep.

Surgery tomorrow!

Thursday 8 October, 2009

Returned to KL on Wednesday night to see to house etc. On way back felt front wheels vibrating, so took car in for check and changed front tyres. After securing the house drove to Ipoh and checked into hospital about 4 pm. Single room, quite comfortable but nothing great. Big but bit disappointing cf Johor Specialist or Puteri Hospitals, JB. Dr Thas came to see me and explained procedure, and located position of stoma (left of navel) on my abdomen (determined by muscule, curve of abdominal wall, folds/creases etc). Started on stomach washout in prep for surgery, also no food, only water. Later in the evening, the anaesthetist Dr Kanesvaran came in – very pleasant – he made me very comfortable. Spoke to Navin, Iyla & Suman – they are very concerned. To bed about 11 – tomorrow is the surgery. How do I feel – nothing really…hope for the best.

An on to phase three.................

Wednesday 7 October, 2009

Today marks five weeks since the end of my radio- and chemo-therapies. I am feeling very good………I might say, almost 100% restored. Last week, on Tuesday I drove down to Johor Bahru and returned on Friday. The drive was as usual – I have done this many times, and it was good meeting old friends. My old colleagues at ELS, and the Dhamos said that I looked good and better than the last time they had seen me. My appetite is better than it has been these past few months, and I feel great.

Since my return from Johor Bahru, I have been quite busy. On Saturday (3 Oct) I saw the colo-rectal surgeon at Damansara Specialist Hospital  who said that he could still feel a nodule about 1 cm in from the anus and he said that I should undergo a colostomy. This was not quite what I was hoping for, and he saw that I was crestfallen, so he told me to think about it and see him later. A bit disturbed after the visit, I spoke to my niece Dr Sumi, in Ipoh and she recommended that I undergo another scope and a scan to see the effect of the therapies. On Monday 5 Oct, I went to Sungei Buloh Hospital where Dr Ramesh did a sigmoidoscope……… and he was quite surprised not to be able to see the tumour. He felt that I had responded well to the radiotherapy and the tumour had “evaporated”. On Tue 6 Oct, I went to Ipoh to Pantai Puteri Hospital where the colo-rectal surgeon, Dr Thas, examined me and he also recommended a colostomy.  A second CT scan showed traces of the tumour, although considerably shrunken. He too felt that I had responded very well to the radiotherapy.

I guess I have no options – I just have to go for the colostomy……not that I expected very different. When I first realized that I had cancer of the rectum, I was prepared to accept the colostomy. Just that, the five-week radiotherapy and the sense of well being following that gave rise to a small hope that it might be avoided.  I have decided to do the colostomy at Pantai Puteri Hospital under Dr Thas. I shall be admitting myself to hospital in Thu 8 October. On Friday I shall undergo a colonoscope followed by the surgery. I hope to  be discharged the following Friday and to spend a few days at Sumi’s house recuperating before returning home. Navin & Iyla were both very keen to come, and Suman was ready to come down too. I have asked them not to as there is not much they can do. I am in good hands. If they still feel they need to, they can come once I am back home.

And so I move on to the next phase of my battle with cancer. It is not going to be outright victory, but the enemy has retreated, probably to regroup. It is going to be a negotiated settlement, but I guess I shall have to surrender some territory. If that can see the total withdrawal of the enemy, I can consider it a battle won.

In good form

Monday 28 September 2009

I can’t believe it! In two days, it will be 4 weeks since my radio- and chemo-therapies ended. I feel so good, that the pain and discomfort of the therapies and the cancer before that have virtually disappeared from memory. I am back to my old self, but for dark patches and rough skin on my hands and feet. The only thing now is that I am having some joint and muscle pain in my hips and thighs….especially when I stand  or walk. I don’t feel as strong as before but that has not hindered my continuing with my normal activities……since the 18^th  Sept, almost every evening I have been helping out from 5 to 7.30 at the registration desk set up at the guard-house on 7/3. Initially I was a bit restless standing, but after a couple of days was OK. My skin has improved, I have put on some weight and my appetite is good.

Tomorrow I am planning to drive to Johor Bahru for three days – to attend to some matters and also for a change of activity. I am sure I can handle it….and it will not be a strain…..the change and being with old friends will do me good.

On the 5^th October I shall be seeing my surgeon to decide on the date for surgery. I am not worried about the surgery or the pain….I am sure I can cope with it. I want  the surgeon to check my insides, remove the tumour and tell me I am fine for the next few years – so I can continue to enjoy life and see my grand-children grow up.

Two weeks after radio- and chemo-therapies ended

Tuesday 15 September 2009

Today marks two weeks since the end of my radio – and chemo-therapy sessions. Much has changed since then. Immediately after my therapy ended, I was at my lowest ebb – both physically and emotionally, but just for about 3 days. Then I began to notice changes for the better…and the rate of improvement has accelerated. Now I am almost back to normal….physically. I can sit without discomfort, though I still get a backache if I sit for long. Walking etc are no problem, but not for too long. I now venture out a bit, and am very involved in RA activities. On Sunday afternoon, during the briefing for residents on new security procedures, I manned one of the registration desks from 5.30 to 7.30 pm, and then went home to balance the accounts and record the details of subscribers who signed up, and then had a meeting/discussion at home with some others on security matters till almost midnight. My energy levels are also up, though I still can’t undertake physically demanding activity.

I have resumed my active participation in RA  activities, and frequently have committee or subcommittee members dropping in to discuss matters or have quick impromptu meetings. Many of my RA colleagues do not know that I am ill and have not noticed any difference – probably think that I am an old man who is a bit slow and not willing to run out quite readily!

My body functions too appear to have returned to normal – toilet visits about 2 or 3 times a day, and texture of stools too is normal, though the colour is still a greenish grey. The offensive “bad meat” smell has also gone. Some of the residual effects of the chemo is still within my system, but is slowly clearing. The dark patches on my fingers and palms have begun to clear, but are still very noticeable on the soles of my feet. Much of the dead skin on my rear has peeled off and I can boast a spanking new bottom – also as new as a baby’s!

Mentally I feel fully alert and am able to concentrate on jobs. After about 2 months I went back to my Sudoku today and was able to complete 3 base level puzzles in under of 5 minutes each – used to take between 5 to 7 minutes before!

Unfortunately I still have sleep problems…..wake up about 2 or 3 am and stay awake till about 6. Only consolation is that now when I return to bed, I can sleep till about 9.30 am so I manage to get about 5 ½ hours sleep….not bad.

Weight is slowly creeping up….I am now about 136 lbs. Am eating lots of fruit and vegetables, but have cut down the Prosure to once a day – drinking it has become a daily ordeal. The texture is pleasant enough (rather like melted ice cream) but the eggy after-taste makes me feel like throwing up!

I am now looking forward to facing my surgery in mid or late October and then putting this whole episode behind me. I may not be the man I used to be, but I don’t think I’ll be any worse. If anything this experience has given me a whole new perspective on life, but it hasn’t changed my old!

Slow progress........

Saturday 12 September 2009

It’s the insomnia and the lack of sleep that is wearing me down. Sometimes, I feel like a zombie…until I can catch some sleep. And that is the difficult part for me – catnaps (15/20 minutes at best) in the day, and if I am lucky (that is a rarity) an hour’s nap in the afternoon. Last night took a dormicum, and really tried to relax (warm drink of horlicks, listening to the soothing voice of Johnny Mathis…) and I had a wonderful night’s sleep (the best in more than two weeks) – from 11.45 pm to 9.00 am!

Otherwise I   am slowly improving – on the surface I appear to be well and normal….but I feel that I am merely a shell…I have no strength and energy …. and have to rest every once in a while. But I feel that I have come far in the 10 days since the therapy ended. The soreness in my bottom is almost gone and I can sit without wincing and wiggling, washing and cleaning are not the ordeals they once were, my sensitivity to cold is almost gone (I can revert to cold showers). The skin in my palms still shows discoloration, but not as bad as before. I take a greater interest in things now, and can concentrate for longer periods. I hope by next week this time, I should be able to report that I am well!

Accelerating towards recovery

Tuesday 8 September 2009

Decided that I must push myself a bit more towards my return to normality – so decided to go to Tesco’s in Puchong to stock up. A 1 ½-hour excursion, did quite a bit of shopping, had a toilet call towards the end and rushed back home. In the evening decided to take up Dhama’s invitation to dinner and went to PJ. Left at 7.00 and got there at 7.30 – smooth drive all the way…as most traffic at home breaking fast. Even had a stiff single malt on ice before dinner. Dhama had made a (Chinese) broth of 3 types of dates with rock sugar – to strengthen the system – so had that for dessert. Then set up Skype for her so she could chat on line with Dushan. Return trip at 10.00 was just as smooth tough traffic was heavier……my eyes were heavy with sleep. Quickly sent out a couple of files (RA stuff), checked mail and turned into bed. Read for a few minutes and went off like a light at about 11.45. Then at 1.15 am my eyes pop open….end of sleep!

I am beginning to feel good about myself as I return more and more to normal activities. The pain in my rear end has gone down noticeably, though sitting on sofas etc is still a bit uncomfortable. Most of the damaged skin has been replaced by new growth and I am able to clean myself without too much discomfort. I must now start walking out a bit, and also start on my exercise to build up my stamina. These past few weeks have made me lazy! This past week has probably been the worst for me – at one point I was so down I was almost crying – partly in pain, partly at what I had become! But things have changed and I am fast recovering!

Today: weight135.6, EL 8.5, MQ 8.5.